Though your wedding day should be a day filled to the brim with love, laughter, and joy, you may have the unfortunate burden of having to worry about pleasing your divorced parents. As you’ve probably heard, more than half of all marriages end in divorce. Of course, that’s not something you want to be reminded of before your big day, but it does go to show that a high percentage of couples are having to accommodate these less-than-perfect situations.
If you’re fortunate enough to have divorced parents that can stand being in the same room or have maybe even continued their friendship, then you are one of the lucky few. Many children of divorced parents have to worry about making sure that both parents, and step-parents, are included in the wedding day events and that precautions are made so that tensions don’t arise. There are several things you can do in preparation for your wedding day that will decrease the risk of hurt feelings or jealousy. Taking these precautions will enable you to enjoy your wedding day fully without worrying about any petty problems or tensions arising.
1. Give each parent an important role to play: If your step-parents are an important part of your life, or even if they aren’t, this is the perfect time to let them know that you appreciate them. Of course, it’s important that you’re sensitive to your biological or adoptive parents, especially if they tend to get jealous or feel threatened by your relationship with your step-parents. While keeping your parent’s feelings in mind, remember that it’s impossible to please everyone. Don’t be too hard on yourself or take the blame for hurt feelings when you’ve done your best to accommodate.
Whether you do or don’t have the best relationship with your father, it’s worth considering letting him take on the traditional fatherly roles during the wedding and giving other important roles to your step-father. You could even split up the fatherly duties between the two if you think that would ease tensions. The same goes for motherly duties. Every family situation is different, but it’s important to remember that giving each of your parents an important responsibility or role to play will reduce stress and make for a smoother and more successful wedding day.
2. Make sure you invite friends/family that can make both of your parents feel comfortable: Unless your parents continued living in around the same area after the divorce, one parent may be left feeling uncomfortable, alone, and as though they’re walking into your other life. It’s important that you invite people that can make this parent feel more comfortable and included. Make an effort to invite at least a few people who this parent can share the joy of watching you get married with.
3. Include both (or all) of your parents in the wedding planning process: It may feel more natural to coordinate your wedding with your mom, or perhaps your dad, but try to include your other parent(s) in the planning process. This will make them feel more welcomed, included, and appreciated on your big day. They won’t feel as though they’re walking into an event that they had no part in planning.
4. Show your love for both (or all) of your parents on your wedding day: Despite the relationship issues you may have with one or more of your parents, your wedding day is the most important, and perhaps only, day that it’s important for you to forgive and forget. Although you may have unresolved feelings, bitterness, or annoyance with your parent (or parents), you should focus on the happiness of the day. This is the most important day of your life so don’t let unresolved issues tamper with the magic of the day. You can worry about those things later. Try to show love to all of your parents, despite any and all underlying issues.
5. Again, remember that you can’t please everyone: This needs to be mentioned again because it’s so incredibly important. Once you have taken these precautions to decrease the risk of tension between your divorced parents, let everything else go. You’ve done what you can and now it’s up to your parents to be mature adults. Anything unpleasant that happens on your wedding day is out of your control and you should not feel guilty or stressed about it. You can’t please everyone. You can’t make everything 100% fair and you definitely can’t control how other people behave. So relax, have fun, and enjoy your wedding day!
No matter the circumstances, you’ll be able to have the wedding of your dreams with Chandler’s Gardens as your venue. Please contact us with any questions you have regarding our venue. We’ll be happy to assist you and help you schedule your big event at one of our rustic romantic locations.